This is as much a question about relationships as about security. There is no single right answer, but there are good principles. This guide is part of our guide to passwords for families and digital legacy.
What is worth sharing
Couples who run a household together usually need shared access to:
- Utilities, internet and insurance.
- Streaming and shopping.
- Children's school and medical portals.
- A list of accounts for use in an emergency.
A shared vault handles all this without passing passwords around.
What can stay private
It is healthy to keep your own email, messages, social media and work accounts to yourself. Privacy is not the same as secrecy. Many security problems also come from sharing more than needed. If one person's device is hacked, every shared secret goes with it.
Better than sharing a password
| Need | Better option |
|---|---|
| Shared bank access | A joint account or authorized user |
| Emergency access to a vault | Emergency access feature |
| After a death or illness | Legacy contacts and a digital legacy plan |
| Phone in an emergency | Share only the passcode, if you are comfortable doing so |
| Shared family photos | A shared album |
When sharing is a warning sign
Password sharing should be a free choice. Be concerned if a partner:
- Demands your passwords or checks your phone.
- Punishes you for saying no.
- Reads your messages, or tracks your location without your agreement.
- Locks you out of joint money.
If this describes your situation, it may be a form of controlling behavior. Support organizations for domestic abuse can help with safe ways to change passwords. Changing everything at once may alert someone, so talk to them first, and use a safe device.
If you break up
Start with your email and phone, and then:
- Change your passwords and turn on two-factor login.
- Check recovery details and trusted devices.
- Remove your ex from shared vaults, family plans and cloud sharing.
- Check location sharing.
- Review legacy contacts.
The steps in the signs of a hacked account can help you check for hidden access. If you hold crypto together, follow a separate plan, because knowledge of a recovery phrase cannot be revoked. You need to move the funds to a new wallet.